My Muse Kissed Me (but It Tasted Funny)

[Frank]

When I took Creative Writing in college, my professor gave me a bit of advice :

Be careful what you write as Satire or Parody because these days there is always someone who will take you seriously, dead seriously.

I never forgot those words, but occasionally I have misplaced them in my head and when I do that I attempt to write parody/satire.

Once I wrote story about a talking dog that talked about nothing else except how good my REALLY GREAT NOVEL tasted when he ate it. I thought out loud (in the story) that since my words were hard for most people to digest - I would give FIDO some ex-lax and maybe he would pass my REALLY GREAT NOVEL intact.
Well, I thought, no one would take me seriously about that - but I was wrong - several women in the room in which I had just read the story out loud wagged their fingers at me - shame on you for doing that to a dog, you could kill it giving it ex-lax.
And I did not own a dog, a talking dog, nor have I written A REALLY GREAT NOVEL.

I asked my professor what she meant by saying I should not read satire out loud to people (which is another thing she told me.)

She said: "Because you have a sincere face and people tend to believe everything you say."
I rolled over in bed and spanked her on the butt and said "Are you ready for more ?" She giggled.

I"LL BET YOU BELIEVED THAT TOO. It never happened - we never went to bed together but we did talk about why I should never write parody.
I said, " No I will not sleep with you but do you think if I write satire no one will take me seriously ?"
She said, "Your grade depends on this - I will not give you an 'A' unless you give me something - and No, people will always take you seriously. You have serious eyes. Bedroom eyes. Seriously."

I did get an 'A' in that class but I did not go to bed with her. I made her laugh, then I pulled my pants back up.

But she did give me some more advice - HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CREATIVE WRITNG IS ANY GOOD

"To be any good," she said while rubbing my back, "a piece of writing has to pass the WHAT and the SO WHAT test." She reached around me and touched my thigh and purred in my ear.

"The WHAT test is: Does your work do what it was supposed to do ? Is it a critical essay ? Is it a sestina about fine china ? Is it funny, whimsical, or serious?"

She ran her fingers through my hair and unbuttoned the top two buttons on her blouse.

"The SO WHAT test is - Do I the reader care ? Do I the reader give a ShhhhT ?" Is your writing engaging or interesting in any way ?"

"So what you are saying is that even if I use cheap tricks like describing a sex scene to keep the reader's interest my writing will be good ?" I touched her on the cheek and held her close. I could feel her heart beating fast and excited.

"No," she said as she grabbed my shirt and ripped it open, "What I am saying is this will make it easier to sell." She ran her hands down my chest and grabbed my belt. "People like being entertained. They will buy your book if you entertain them."

For some reason I do not remember what happened next but the point of my whole post was to say that I think I have been thinking too much on what to write and I am going to just write what comes to me - and if that is humorous so be it !

At that moment, the moment for climax for both us - the moment we had been anticipating - a moment of OHHHHHH - was interrupted by the arrival of FIDO upon the bed -
"I want another book to eat, " he said.

[Anne Westlund]

I found that whole blog post hard to swallow. Pass the Ex-Lax!!!!!

[Beverly]

I'm sure Lin is putting into letters what I feel. I was left hanging throughout this story. Fantastic, can you submit
it to a place where they accept how to write pieces? Word magic here galore. Twists and turns left me dying for more. I want to see more. Romance and humor and how to advice so this is how to write?
Left me wanting to take a cold shower, no a cold bath!!!!!! Thank god for Fido to turn the thermostat down a bit.

[Lin Neiswender]

ROFLMFAO!!!!