Morning Page Breakthrough (at least for me)

[Frank]

Now I get it - I finally get it, the truth about the purpose of morning pages.

I have experienced morning pages in four or five different periods of my life.
Each time, I did them I got better at doing them but up until now it was a always a battle for me to do these pages both time-wise and content-wise.

Time-wise, I have wondered why they take so long ? and Do I have enough time to finish them ? Are they really morning pages if I do them at night ? Do I have to do them all at the same time or is it okay to do them disjointed (an hour here, twenty minutes there) ? And on and on. . . these are some of the crazy questions that bothered me.

Content-wise, I always wondered if I had enough thoughts to fill three pages and then I wondered if they were good enough, if it was okay to talk about sports , if it was okay to bitch about the world, if I should be writing about me and if so why does it feel so icky to do so ? {Author's note: you can substitute any word you feel is more appropriate than 'icky'' there]

These are all valid questions and ponderings but today while doing my pages, I made a breakthrough in thinking about them - a major breakthrough for me.

This week I have been feeling down and thinking thoughts like 'what is the use I never seem to get anywhere with my creative writing' and variations of that. Each time this week I have started my pages with that negative attitude I have finished my pages with a 'look out world here I come' attitude. And today I figured out why.

Today I realized that just doing something positive with words gave me back my confidence - I realized that the act of doing my pages was a positive thing and somewhere inside I said "hey, if I can do that (the pages) I can do what I want. I now have the creative flow pumping through my creative veins so look out world. But I wondered why the act of doing the pages, in the morning first thing out of bed (well after a cup of coffee) straight through (no getting disjointed) did that to me ?

The answer that came to me was - because that is how the pages worked for Julia Cameron.
She did things her pages this way and related this vital exercise as one the basics in her Artist Way book.
But she failed to explain in great depth and variation what not doing the pages this way does - simply because she never did her morning pages any other way. She could not conceive of anyone having trouble doing morning pages because she never did. And thus, we mere mortals are left to figure out how to achieve our Julia Cameron level of page doing on our own.

I don't have any great secret for how I finally got to this level but I do feel that I am on this level.

What I will share with you is my mindset in doing morning pages - I think it is a big part of why it works for me.

1) do the pages as continuously as you can - if you only have twenty minutes, do 20 minutes straight no stopping except to breathe. (in my first few incarnations of doing pages I found I was so intensely trying to keep my focus on doing this exercise I was getting lightheaded - I was unconsciously holding my breath !)

2) Turn down the intensity - this exercise is for you no one else - there is on one to please - and since there is no one to please practice saying things you never say ( I wish I could tell blah-blah to blah herself or I am good looking, I am a damn great person)

3) have as much fun as you can but go with what you are feeling at that moment - if you are feeling down write about it - if you are feeling silly, write about feeling silly - same goes with being serious

4) Practice 'Catch and Release (CAR) ' with your big topics - Catch and Release works like this:

a) you snag a big topic such as 'Why isn't my life better' or some such issue which is huge and cannot be solved 100 pages of writing let alone three

b) you pay it lip service - why isn't my life better ? Because I don't eat enough dark chocolate
or Because I don't play with crayons enough
or Because I don't have a rich uncle who will give me money anytime I want

You get the idea - have fun with the downer topic because that is what you want to do with downer topics that are huge - Don't try to catch JAWS with a rowboat and rod and reel, he will swamp you and pull you under.

c) Release the big topic back in to the waters of your mind - have as much fun as you can stand, be creative, and let go

5) be as blind to where you are on the page as you can - for me once I start looking at the end of the page, my mind thinks weird things like 'I am almost done why not quit now' or 'hell I'll never get finished'.
Just write and get into what you are writing so that you become the typist who never looks at the screen.
Get into your thoughts and stay there.
This past week, despite my down moods I have been surprised to find the end of the page almost everyday.

6) Believe - in yourself, your page doing process, that you are doing it right, and you will achieve Julia Cameron level of doing pages - I did believe and I feel I did achieve it

That;s all I can think of now.
I know I am missing something so ask me some questions if this does not make sense.

Frank

[Camille]

Congratulations on the insights you have gained with your MPs! Some very important points were expressed that may help me from struggling too much...like havin fun with pages, (and maybe even with spontaneous word play???) and YES, release the big bites!!! Thank you for this marvelous share, Frank!

[Frank]

Thank you all for your kind and wonderful comments.
I am honored by them.
I hope you get something out of what I wrote but if not that is okay too because it was a good growing experience for me to write something so long - my mind usually does not stay focused for that long.
Love Ya all,
Frank

[Jules]

Thanks for the insights Frank!
Your light hearted MP Poilce discussion has helped a few of us be able to tackle what can sometimes feel like a daunting task.
I needed the riminder to be light-hearted with these. That is a thng that can easily drop from my life. I have a sign on my wall that says 'practice being excited'. One would think practice would not be needed for this, yet for me it does. The humorous look at the seriousness of some of my pages has allowed me to be excited about my art as well as my life.
I am glad you showed up here at CCS

[Lin Neiswender]

Double Dittos on that Maureen- are you listening, Frank?

[Maureen]

Frank -- Great stuff! I love the idea of taking those monster topics and being playful with them, having fun with them ... seems to take the monster out of em.
Also, I am sorry you had a rough week. You said: "This week I have been feeling down and thinking thoughts like 'what is the use I never seem to get anywhere with my creative writing' and variations of that..." and I just want to say back that your creative writing has generated an energy and enthusiasm at CCS ... your brilliant sense of humor and light-heartedness have connected us "Spacers" more closely, allowing us to share things with each other, grow closer, learn about life, the universe, creating ... your ability to express the depth of life and emotion in simple, creative ways has taught me many things and sparked conversations that teach us all.
All this to say, your creative writing has moved mountains here ... and I am sure in many other places I don't know about ... "believe in yourself..." and thank you.

[Beverly]

Profound stuff, Sgt. You have a wonderful philosophical side to you. Can I call you Mr. J.C.? If the morning pages can achieve the kind of writing you've just done, I'm all in. Believe, I think, believe is what it's all about. I love the different opinions generated about mp's, it expands me......

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Way to go Frankie Baby! I'm happy reading this and even happier that you have shared it here at CCS :)
It all makes perfect sense to me for some reason :)

[Lin Neiswender]

Believe in yourself- pretty potent stuff, Sgt. Frank! You hit that one outta the park!