Redemption Hymnal - fragments of a work in progress...

[Dan Goodwin]

I've posted an excerpt before from one of my novels in progress called Redemption Hymnal. I actually envision it more as a film, but maybe a book too.

You can see the previous part I posted here.

And here's the new parts, from the voice of a character called Laura.

All comments and feedback welcome... : )

This is about Laura:

A loud insistent bleeping caused Laura to jump suddenly from sleep.

She groaned and threw her nearest arm across, fumbled for a few moments, then managed to switch of the source of the sound.

Rolling onto her back she sighed. It can’t be time already.

The clocked revealed it to be 6.45am and, after a further groan, Laura hauled herself up, grabbed her glasses, and headed towards her bathroom

The mirror gazed back, of course the way it always did. She straightened the mirror, half an inch to the one side, as she always did.

She pushed her glasses up a little, stylish chocolate framed European types, squinted a little, pushed her tousled chestnut hair behind her ears, and chewed on her bottom lip. Another sigh.

To the outsider, Laura was a very beautiful woman. But she knew every flaw and shortfall and felt with each passing day she looked a little older, more jaded and less alive.

She tried for a moment to recall a time when she looked in the mirror and saw a young vibrant and gloriously alive woman, and estimated it to be at least 15 years ago.

And these are things Laura knows about other characters in the film. I see these parts as monologues to camera, like interviews, where each character talks about their relationships with and knowledge of others in the story.

Laura:

I’ve heard my brother Jimmy talk about the old guys, yeh, Henry and Albert. I’ve never met them myself, but they seem very kind and they’ve always been good to Jimmy, you know, looked after him money wise.

Jimmy’s like their special courier. He takes them the stuff they need, the cine film stuff mainly, and a few other items sometimes.

Jimmy loves the film reels, but never watches them. He told me he loves the smell of them, that musty odour of other people’s pasts. He loves too the brittleness of the film, the way it sometimes just cracks and breaks in your hand, especially the older ones.

He’ll spend hours unreeling films and holding them up to the light, scanning through tiny frame after frame of people’s stories.

He loves the way they’re trapped inside he told me, how he’s holding important events in people’s pasts there in his hands. How they’re trapped and perfectly held, frame after frame, there in his hands.

I do ask him why he doesn’t get his own projector, or ask the old guys to play something for him, but he gives me that wide eyed terrified look and says No, I can’t the people out! They’re mine. I can’t let them out.

Bless our young Jimmy.

He also fixes the old guys’ projectors, gives them an overhaul, or a tune up or whatever it is you need to do. He loves dismantling them piece by piece and putting them back together again with the same care and attention.

But as I said he’ll never play a film reel in the projector. He’ll only play it empty, he’ll sit for ages watching that white quivering square on the wall, but never with film in. He’s too scared of the people getting loose, or escaping I guess, like I said before.

And he’ll never just turn up at the old guy’s place. He has to check with the first to make sure no-one’s gonna be there, no-one’s gonna see him there.

...

Yeh I know Hammond. Not very well, but I know he’s the young guy who visits Albert and Henry a lot. I’m not sure if he’s related to one of them, or both of them. Actually I don’t know if the old guys are related to each other, maybe brothers? Or maybe they’re just best friends, I’m not sure, though Jimmy says they’re incredibly close, he’s never seen one of them without the other being a few feet away.

So anyway, yeh Hammond. Curious kid that one. He always looks lost somehow, like he’s looking for his way. You know how some people are like that, as if they’ve been dumped in a place they never wanted to be, but can’t figure out where they should go instead?

I’ve never spoken to him. Actually I don’t think he says all that much anyway. Jimmy’s seen him but not spoken to him. As I said before, Jimmy doesn’t go round to the old guys if anyone else is there, but he’s seen Hammond leave plenty of times.

Oh and he always has a book in his hand, at least when he leaves. Jimmy has always noticed that, he says he’s never seen Hammond without a tatty paperback in his hand. I don’t know if it’s the same paperback or different ones, Jimmy didn’t say, I don’t know if he gets up close enough to see anyway.

...

Jimmy’s nurse came round today, she helps him out with his hand and with his irregular breathing. She gives Jimmy exercises to try to strengthen his weaker hand, and they do help, but he forgets to keep doing them and it gets worse again.

It’s strange with Jimmy and his memory. You get out a reel of film he’s seen with and show him the first couple of frames and he can then tell you exactly what happens in the rest of it. And he must have hundreds of these reels of his, maybe thousands. His whole room is packed to the ceiling with them and he gets more through the post each day, goes out sometimes for hours and comes back with arms full, nearly more than he can carry.

I know he passes a lot on to the old guys but still he’s getting in more than he can handle, it’s just getting out of hand. But Jimmy loves his films, and you can’t tell him how many he should or shouldn’t have.

...

Jimmy’s nurse is just the sweetest woman. I wonder sometimes if she hadn’t been around to support him like she has over the years, where he’d be right now. We’re all so grateful to her and we look after her in any way she needs.

Jimmy speaks of her so fondly, calls her Na, no-one’s really sure why, it’s a mystery to her too but she likes it.

Na comes round once or twice a week now. It’s been more often when Jimmy has tougher times, and been more unwell of course, but thankfully these days he’s pretty steady.

She doesn’t open up that much to us but I know her and Jimmy tell each other almost everything. Jimmy’s told me bits here and there, and I get the impression that Na’s had a life peppered by tragedy.

She lost a son very young and another in childbirth so the obvious conclusion from that is Jimmy’s the son she never had. Treats him like a son, absolutely dotes in him, and he loves her back for it.

Na’s the only one who can move any of Jimmy’s film reels without him going into an insane rage for example. And he’s very protective of her. Probably would lay his life down for her if it came to it. If anyone hurt Na, then they better look out, because Jimmy would hunt them down and get his revenge.

...

I’ve noticed lately sometimes when I wake up I have a numbness in my left hand, like Jimmy’s. I don’t think our parents had anything like this, I don’t really remember, so I’m not sure if it’s something hereditary.

Maybe I’ll ask Na about it, or get to her to show me a few of the exercises she does with Jimmy, see if that helps.

[jane]

dan i am transfixed and enchanted by the characters and story evolving here. it is a real priviledge to be allowed to read the story under creation.... i have loved reading this. i remember the first part from last year... but had temporarily forgotten until you posted this here.

it is very visual - i have the scenes already in my own head - of jimmy's room, of laura, of Hammond (who seems a familiar character to me..) of the two old men, perfectly dressed and in tune with each other, but their relationship unknown...i like it like that - glimpses of people, but still unknown.

perhaps we will get to know more as you place all the scenes together... thank you for sharing it... keep going... please! j x

[Dan Goodwin]

Thanks Jane for all the positive words and encouragement : )

This began as a film script, and yes it's very visual, I can see all the characters very clearly. I have some more fragments I'll post, and I certainly want to expand upon it more. There are lots of characters and story lines to evolve...

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Great that these characters are continuing to come clearer ... I'm really getting hooked :)