What Happens Next ?

[Frank]

I wrote this story other day and I think I want
to make it a longer story but I would like some feedback

as to what should happen next ?

Sally Story


There is a sense you get from talking to someone like Sally, that nothing in the world is quite right. Whether it is the government, local of course, that is incompetent, or just the person checking her out at the grocery store, Sally can find something wrong with just about everyone. There is an exception to her fault finding and that is of course herself. I have known Sally for several years now and never once have I heard her say anything bad about herself.

Now if she would have asked me, I would have told her nicely, because there is no sense in being rude, that her biggest problem is her husband. Steve. How a wonderful little gal like that hooked up with a slease-ball like him is beyond me. To say that he is living off his good looks is putting it mildly. He seems to think that as long as he has deep blue eyes and flowing blonde hair, he can get anything he wants. Of course I have heard many women tell me that they would do him in a heartbeat simply because of his sculpted body but I am not buying it. I think his charm with the ladies comes from the fact that he is rich.

I know that Sally married him for his money. She told me as much at last year’s new years eve party. She had had about seven too many drinks and was spilling the beans about everything.

Of course, I was the one pouring the drinks but not for that reason. I just was having fun, for the first time in a long time. My wife had decided to spend the holidays in a buddhist retreat in upstate new york - that left me alone with nothing to do. So I invited myself to Sally and Steve’s party. We had never gone to this party in previous years, simply because Belinda, my wife, did not like Steve. Belinda never told me why but I did find out from Sally of all people.

“I’m glad your wife is not here.” Sally told me that new year’s eve night just after I had mixed her another vodka martini. “Begging your pardon, but she is an uppity bitch. All her holier than thou with her yoga and mantra shit. She is such a shit. Why did you marry her ?”

I thought I was making a joke at the time when I said “For her money.” but Sally believed me and told me that is why she married Steve. “Yeah, I know he cheats on me but hey, his money makes up for everything.” She took a deep sip and must have sensed my shock. “Oh don’t pretend you didn’t know. You must have known he was doing your wife.” She took another large sip. “Oops, did I spill the beans ?” she laughed wickedly. “Of course that was last year after he had finished with Debbie Webster and before he start with Michele from the next block over.” She pointed to a group of women hanging around Steve. “Michele is redhead, Debbie is the blonde.”

The truth is, I did know that my wife had a fling with Steve. But I did not know why they broke it off. I had known that Steve would date anybody that wore a skirt and I did know that Belinda wanted one last fling before she dove head first into devote Buddhism, which for her meant no sex ever again. I had encouraged her to try to get Steve to make a pass at her. I had hoped that this would get her excited about sex again but sadly it did not.

Instead Belinda hated sex more than ever. And she hated Steve more than ever which is saying something because she never liked him before. I was hoping to find out why via Sally but I found out something more exciting instead. Sally was . . . wait a minute. I wonder if I should say this is . . .Do you promise not to tell anyone ?

[Anne Westlund]

This whole story presents a hot-bed of tension, Frank. Perhaps you should follow one story line to its logical conclusion. Someone gets punched, or divorced, or maybe there's a catfight. Just some suggestions. Loved it!

Anne

[Dan Goodwin]

What a tangled mess of relationships and affairs Frank. Feels very real.

Maybe a twist at the end about Steve, like he's gay, or he has some kind of tragic secret he's been hiding, and the only way Sally won't reveal his secret (which would mean his financial downfall) is if he continues to have endless affairs for her entertainment and amusement. Just feels like it's Sally who really holds the power and Steve is being very manipulated somehow? Maybe Sally has such loathing of other men (or women) from past traumatic experiences, she's on a destructive mission, via Steve, to try to break up as many other relationships as possible?

Ha ha, that all sounds kind of dark, but I think it follows the tone of your story...

Can't wait to see how it evolves Frank...

[Dan Goodwin]

Frank, reading again, one line doesn't ring true for me:

How a wonderful little gal like that hooked up with a slease-ball like him is beyond me.

The rest of the story doesn't suggest Sally is such a wonderful, sweet girl? Unless that line was written in irony?

Dan