Family Redemption Part 1
This is a "very suspenseful" story according to some people that have read this. It's a thriller sort of story, but this is only the first part of it. There are two parts to it, but I'm still writing the second part. I hope whoever reads this enjoys it, it's not like my other stuff, but there is some similarities. Cheers!
Family Redemption: Part 1
The truck came screeching down the road towards me. I stood still, with fear flooding my body, in the centre of the road waiting for my inevitable death. I couldn't quite see who was driving, but it looked like an incredibly skinny man. He was very pale; the moon reflected off of him brilliantly.
The headlights got bigger and the closer they got, the more blinding they became. It would be my last sight before death took me. I couldn't move; it was like I was in a movie and I was just playing my part. I was praying to the being in the sky to make the truck stop.
It didn't slow down, it just sped up. I closed my eyes and put my hand up and made the signal for 'stop'. I waited for the evil machine to take my life, but the impact never came. I opened my eyes and to my surprise - or was it relief? - the truck had stopped just before my shaking, outstretched hand. The door creaked open and the rust that had sealed it peeled off and fell to the ground.
I just stood there in the same place and waited for the man to come around and reveal himself to me. The truck looked like it had been sitting at the bottom of the ocean for years. It was brown with rust; like the salty water had started to eat away at it and wipe this truck out of existence. All the windows were missing; like something hard had made contact with them long ago. I had a strange feeling that I knew this truck; when it was new with a great paint job, not rusted to the core. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
I could here the mans footsteps coming around towards me; it sounded like bones being cracked or stood on. Old bones, weak bones. He finally reached the front of the truck and stood right beside me. Even more fear took control of my trembling body; the man was a skeleton. He was an elderly man, but age didn’t matter now. There was no flesh or muscle left on his body, yet he still looked very dirty, like someone had just dug him up out of a shallow dirt grave. He laughed in my face, a dry, crackling laugh, I just stood there frozen with fear. He stuck something into my chest but I couldn’t look down to see what it was. I knew it was sharp, and that it had pierced my skin.
The skeleton just kept laughing as darkness took hold of me and I fell to the ground. I awoke in a cold sweat, staring at my bedroom ceiling.
*** ***
Mara was frightened, that was the worst nightmare she’s ever had. She stared at her bedroom ceiling trying to get her heavy breathing under control. Her hair was damp with sweat and covering most of her eyesight. She brushed it over to the left side of her head with her hand and looked around her small, dark bedroom to see that it was safe. The moon shined in through her window and left a beautiful reflection on her purple wall.
She rolled over on to her side and looked at the clock; 3:00 am it flashed in red, blocked numbers. Mara wouldn’t sleep again tonight, she’s been like that her entire life; once she’s had a nightmare, there was no going back.
She rolled back onto her back; the picture of her family caught her attention. It was hanging on the wall directly in front of her, the golden frame glittered and shined in the cold moonlight. Her father was standing on the left, he had a massive grin on his face. It was a photo of the day they went to the beach, one of the best days of Mara’s life. She was absent from the picture because she was the one who took it. She missed her father, he lived with her until he died. He was the one who would stay up with her when she had a nightmare. A tear rolled down her cheek as she came to the realisation that he wasn’t here this time. This is the first nightmare Mara’s had since he passed away four years ago. She believed that her father protected her from them, this one just slipped through his hands.
Standing next to him in the photo was his second wife; Mara’s stepmother. Mara loved her too, but she always had a feeling that her stepmother never really liked her. It was her sister, Nicole, who always hung around with their stepmother, Monica. Nicole was standing next to Monica in the photo; she was the only one out of the three of them who was still alive. But she stopped talking to Mara when Monica died under strange circumstances one year ago. She lives over on the west side of town, far away from Mara.
Mara stayed in the same place and stared at that photo. Memories flooded her mind of a time when this big empty house was more full and had a lot more cheer. Now she’s the only one who lives here, now she can here the things that go bump in the night.
Mara wiped the tears from her eyes and closed them tightly. Sudden fear grabbed hold of her when she thought that she heard a noise downstairs. She sat up in her bed and listened intently. She heard the noise again; it was like a chair being pulled across the floor and then slammed into a wall. Mara was having a war in her mind; should she go down and see what it was or call the cops and let them sort it out? After five minutes of conflict, she declared peace and decided to go down and see what was happening.
She pulled her thin blanket off of her and pulled on a pair of jeans that were laying on the floor. She walked over to the door very carefully; she didn’t want to make a noise and the floorboards in her room creak more than any other room in the house. She walked on top of dirty clothes to quiet down her foot pressure.
Finally she reached her door. She put her ear up against it to try and hear if she could hear anyone walking around in the hall. She couldn’t hear anything but the fear inside her was overwhelming. Mara slowly turned the door knob and pulled her door open; she did it slowly, trying not to make a sound. She took one step out the door and froze in fear when she heard the sound of women laughing and a baby crying.
All of the sounds stopped at once and silence dominated once again. Mara stood there with sweat falling down her face; she was looking for a weapon just in case she needs it. There was samurai sword hanging on the wall directly in front of her, but she didn’t know if it was real or if it was just a decoration. She didn’t care though, she grabbed it and pulled it out of its sheath; it looked real enough. She headed towards the top of the stairs, something was waiting downstairs and after the nightmare she just had; in her head, it could be anything.
It was dark all the way down the stairs, but she could see some kind of sickly glow coming from the lounge room. Sweat was falling down her forehead and she held the sword close to her breast. She began her descent into darkness.
Her bare feet touched each stair with tenderness and care; she was getting closer to the glowing room now. She reached the mat that was covering the old, cracked tiles at the bottom of the stairs and stood there, she was trying to get a glimpse into the room without actually having to go in there. DING DONG! The doorbell rang and her front door swung open and bone chilling breeze flowed in; the door closed just as quick as it was opened. Mara shrugged it off as just being another nightmare, and she wanted to wake up soon. She looked over at her fathers grandfather clock to see it was only quarter-past-three. The moon shimmered off the face of it and lit it up like a prop from the Devil’s Throne-room. Mara began her walk into the glowing room.
The first thing she saw when she reached the threshold separating the two rooms was an elderly lady glowing pale-green and facing the opposite direction. Standing next to her was a younger woman with blonde hair and was wearing a dirty dress with flower imprints covering it. She was holding a young child in her arms and looking out the window facing west.
“It’s nice of you to finally join us, Mara,” said the elderly woman. She turned around and revealed herself to Mara, it was her stepmother, it was Monica.
“But.. it…… C.. Can’t be… You’re dead! I.. I went to your funeral!” said Mara as a look of confusion and disbelief took over her face. She felt like she was going to faint, but she held herself together.
“Yes Mara, she is dead. I’m the one who killed her,” said the younger lady as she turned to face Mara. It was her younger sister Nicole and her five-month-old baby Simon. Mara didn’t know what was going on, this was even more confusing.
“I killed her while performing a sacred ritual, Monica created it herself; she use to learn witch-craft with her grandmother. You would have known that if you got to know her better,” explained Nicole. “She died but her soul remained; so here she is, back in her old house.”
“Why have you come back?! And why did you want Nicole to keep you spirit here? What have you two done! Answer me!” screamed Mara.
“Mara… Dear Mara… Why.. We’ve come here to kill you. This has been our plan, I got Nicole to kill me because it was part of our plan to kill you. To tell you the truth Mara, me and Nicole have always disliked you. You were your fathers favourite, he spent time with you more than he did with Nicole! She was his daughter too, and I was his wife. He never had time for us, it was always about you. We controlled out disgust for you while he was alive, but once he died it grew out of control,” explained Monica. “And now we’re back! And you’ll die tonight!”
Mara’ head was jumbled; was it fear or was it anger? “Come now Mara, let us do this without making a scene. We will kill you, there’s no way you can get away now,” said Nicole in a soft and soothing voice. She walked towards Mara and stretched out her hand; as if offering to take her to her death.
“Get away from me!” screamed Mara. She raised her sword and pointed the tip of it at Nicole’s throat. “I will stab you, if you come near me you’ll die tonight!”
“I thought this might happen,” sighed Monica. “I do have a back-up plan Mara, I knew you wouldn’t let Nicole do this peacefully. Come out now! Come and kill Mara for us!” screamed Monica in a shrill and high pitch tone.
Mara could see a shadow start to move around in the kitchen. It moved up and down and then came to the archway that separated the lounge room and the kitchen. A terrified expression covered Mara’s face when she caught her first glimpse of the creature standing in the moonlight. It was the exact same skeleton from her nightmare.
Family Redemption: Part 1
The truck came screeching down the road towards me. I stood still, with fear flooding my body, in the centre of the road waiting for my inevitable death. I couldn't quite see who was driving, but it looked like an incredibly skinny man. He was very pale; the moon reflected off of him brilliantly.
The headlights got bigger and the closer they got, the more blinding they became. It would be my last sight before death took me. I couldn't move; it was like I was in a movie and I was just playing my part. I was praying to the being in the sky to make the truck stop.
It didn't slow down, it just sped up. I closed my eyes and put my hand up and made the signal for 'stop'. I waited for the evil machine to take my life, but the impact never came. I opened my eyes and to my surprise - or was it relief? - the truck had stopped just before my shaking, outstretched hand. The door creaked open and the rust that had sealed it peeled off and fell to the ground.
I just stood there in the same place and waited for the man to come around and reveal himself to me. The truck looked like it had been sitting at the bottom of the ocean for years. It was brown with rust; like the salty water had started to eat away at it and wipe this truck out of existence. All the windows were missing; like something hard had made contact with them long ago. I had a strange feeling that I knew this truck; when it was new with a great paint job, not rusted to the core. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
I could here the mans footsteps coming around towards me; it sounded like bones being cracked or stood on. Old bones, weak bones. He finally reached the front of the truck and stood right beside me. Even more fear took control of my trembling body; the man was a skeleton. He was an elderly man, but age didn’t matter now. There was no flesh or muscle left on his body, yet he still looked very dirty, like someone had just dug him up out of a shallow dirt grave. He laughed in my face, a dry, crackling laugh, I just stood there frozen with fear. He stuck something into my chest but I couldn’t look down to see what it was. I knew it was sharp, and that it had pierced my skin.
The skeleton just kept laughing as darkness took hold of me and I fell to the ground. I awoke in a cold sweat, staring at my bedroom ceiling.
*** ***
Mara was frightened, that was the worst nightmare she’s ever had. She stared at her bedroom ceiling trying to get her heavy breathing under control. Her hair was damp with sweat and covering most of her eyesight. She brushed it over to the left side of her head with her hand and looked around her small, dark bedroom to see that it was safe. The moon shined in through her window and left a beautiful reflection on her purple wall.
She rolled over on to her side and looked at the clock; 3:00 am it flashed in red, blocked numbers. Mara wouldn’t sleep again tonight, she’s been like that her entire life; once she’s had a nightmare, there was no going back.
She rolled back onto her back; the picture of her family caught her attention. It was hanging on the wall directly in front of her, the golden frame glittered and shined in the cold moonlight. Her father was standing on the left, he had a massive grin on his face. It was a photo of the day they went to the beach, one of the best days of Mara’s life. She was absent from the picture because she was the one who took it. She missed her father, he lived with her until he died. He was the one who would stay up with her when she had a nightmare. A tear rolled down her cheek as she came to the realisation that he wasn’t here this time. This is the first nightmare Mara’s had since he passed away four years ago. She believed that her father protected her from them, this one just slipped through his hands.
Standing next to him in the photo was his second wife; Mara’s stepmother. Mara loved her too, but she always had a feeling that her stepmother never really liked her. It was her sister, Nicole, who always hung around with their stepmother, Monica. Nicole was standing next to Monica in the photo; she was the only one out of the three of them who was still alive. But she stopped talking to Mara when Monica died under strange circumstances one year ago. She lives over on the west side of town, far away from Mara.
Mara stayed in the same place and stared at that photo. Memories flooded her mind of a time when this big empty house was more full and had a lot more cheer. Now she’s the only one who lives here, now she can here the things that go bump in the night.
Mara wiped the tears from her eyes and closed them tightly. Sudden fear grabbed hold of her when she thought that she heard a noise downstairs. She sat up in her bed and listened intently. She heard the noise again; it was like a chair being pulled across the floor and then slammed into a wall. Mara was having a war in her mind; should she go down and see what it was or call the cops and let them sort it out? After five minutes of conflict, she declared peace and decided to go down and see what was happening.
She pulled her thin blanket off of her and pulled on a pair of jeans that were laying on the floor. She walked over to the door very carefully; she didn’t want to make a noise and the floorboards in her room creak more than any other room in the house. She walked on top of dirty clothes to quiet down her foot pressure.
Finally she reached her door. She put her ear up against it to try and hear if she could hear anyone walking around in the hall. She couldn’t hear anything but the fear inside her was overwhelming. Mara slowly turned the door knob and pulled her door open; she did it slowly, trying not to make a sound. She took one step out the door and froze in fear when she heard the sound of women laughing and a baby crying.
All of the sounds stopped at once and silence dominated once again. Mara stood there with sweat falling down her face; she was looking for a weapon just in case she needs it. There was samurai sword hanging on the wall directly in front of her, but she didn’t know if it was real or if it was just a decoration. She didn’t care though, she grabbed it and pulled it out of its sheath; it looked real enough. She headed towards the top of the stairs, something was waiting downstairs and after the nightmare she just had; in her head, it could be anything.
It was dark all the way down the stairs, but she could see some kind of sickly glow coming from the lounge room. Sweat was falling down her forehead and she held the sword close to her breast. She began her descent into darkness.
Her bare feet touched each stair with tenderness and care; she was getting closer to the glowing room now. She reached the mat that was covering the old, cracked tiles at the bottom of the stairs and stood there, she was trying to get a glimpse into the room without actually having to go in there. DING DONG! The doorbell rang and her front door swung open and bone chilling breeze flowed in; the door closed just as quick as it was opened. Mara shrugged it off as just being another nightmare, and she wanted to wake up soon. She looked over at her fathers grandfather clock to see it was only quarter-past-three. The moon shimmered off the face of it and lit it up like a prop from the Devil’s Throne-room. Mara began her walk into the glowing room.
The first thing she saw when she reached the threshold separating the two rooms was an elderly lady glowing pale-green and facing the opposite direction. Standing next to her was a younger woman with blonde hair and was wearing a dirty dress with flower imprints covering it. She was holding a young child in her arms and looking out the window facing west.
“It’s nice of you to finally join us, Mara,” said the elderly woman. She turned around and revealed herself to Mara, it was her stepmother, it was Monica.
“But.. it…… C.. Can’t be… You’re dead! I.. I went to your funeral!” said Mara as a look of confusion and disbelief took over her face. She felt like she was going to faint, but she held herself together.
“Yes Mara, she is dead. I’m the one who killed her,” said the younger lady as she turned to face Mara. It was her younger sister Nicole and her five-month-old baby Simon. Mara didn’t know what was going on, this was even more confusing.
“I killed her while performing a sacred ritual, Monica created it herself; she use to learn witch-craft with her grandmother. You would have known that if you got to know her better,” explained Nicole. “She died but her soul remained; so here she is, back in her old house.”
“Why have you come back?! And why did you want Nicole to keep you spirit here? What have you two done! Answer me!” screamed Mara.
“Mara… Dear Mara… Why.. We’ve come here to kill you. This has been our plan, I got Nicole to kill me because it was part of our plan to kill you. To tell you the truth Mara, me and Nicole have always disliked you. You were your fathers favourite, he spent time with you more than he did with Nicole! She was his daughter too, and I was his wife. He never had time for us, it was always about you. We controlled out disgust for you while he was alive, but once he died it grew out of control,” explained Monica. “And now we’re back! And you’ll die tonight!”
Mara’ head was jumbled; was it fear or was it anger? “Come now Mara, let us do this without making a scene. We will kill you, there’s no way you can get away now,” said Nicole in a soft and soothing voice. She walked towards Mara and stretched out her hand; as if offering to take her to her death.
“Get away from me!” screamed Mara. She raised her sword and pointed the tip of it at Nicole’s throat. “I will stab you, if you come near me you’ll die tonight!”
“I thought this might happen,” sighed Monica. “I do have a back-up plan Mara, I knew you wouldn’t let Nicole do this peacefully. Come out now! Come and kill Mara for us!” screamed Monica in a shrill and high pitch tone.
Mara could see a shadow start to move around in the kitchen. It moved up and down and then came to the archway that separated the lounge room and the kitchen. A terrified expression covered Mara’s face when she caught her first glimpse of the creature standing in the moonlight. It was the exact same skeleton from her nightmare.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Anne Westlund on -
This is really cool, Wayne! Maybe less dialogue and more mystery. I think Mara would know if the sword was real if she'd lived in that house for any length of time. Wayne, you are just full of ideas that need expressing in writing. This is a very suspenseful story. Good job! Can't wait to read the rest. :)
Anne
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Permalink Reply by Wayne on -
Thank you! She may know, but what if it had been sitting there for ages but she never actually touched it or asked about it? It was just a subtle thing in a crowded hallway that contained more important things. That's one way to get around it, but you're right; you'd think she would know.
Yeah, I have been getting a lot of feedback about it being suspenseful, which is cool; it's my first true suspenseful story :P I will put the rest up soon, I don't know if the second part is as good but I'll let you decide that :P
Cheers mate!
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Explode Your Creativity!
Free Action Workbook to get your creativity kick-started.
Stop Doubting Start Creating! Overcome resistance and get started on the creative projects most important to you.
7 Steps To Freedom
Beat the procrastination habits that strangle your creativity in just 7 steps.
Creativity Action Series Practical exercises to overcome common creativity issues. Download free samples.
You Are A Creative Writer! Unlock your creative writing potential today. Free taster ecourse available.
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