Carol's Flash Fiction

[Carol Clark]

I've started writing some flash pieces (about 1500 words or less), and decided to share them here. This place will also help keep me motivated to write...!

Thanks for reading and any comments/critique you might have.
Carol

[Carol Clark]

I wrote this piece this weekend as part of a 24-hour story challenge, where they gave you a prompt and 24 hours to do it in. Dear God. It was very challenging, but I finished (about 30 minutes short of the deadline).
Some of the pieces I'll be posting will be a lot shorter than this - 50, 100, 500 words.

The website I did this from offers these challenges with prizes about every two months, and I will post that contest info under "Contests" section here in Writers' Clique (a little later today or tomorrow). It really was a lot of fun!

Here was the prompt: (950 limit WC)
She was licking the cotton candy crystals from her fingertips when she felt the first raindrops. She joined the other visitors in racing for shelter as the drops turned into a summer afternoon torrent. She ducked into the nearest red-and-white striped tent, almost running into a woman with caked make-up and large rings on every finger. As the girl started to offer an apologetic smile, the woman looked up. Her wrinkled face registered instant recognition and she screamed, "It's you!"

Here's my story:

CARNIVAL GIRL

She was instructed not to wander from her parents, not at all, but when Stacey smelled the cotton candy in the air all rules became null and void. She was thrilled to be at the Morgan County Fair, her first ever. It was an arduous decision for her parents to let her go, as they knew danger lurked at any carnival or fair that came to town. But this was Illinois, three states away from that dreaded place in Texas. They also couldn’t deny their nine year-old a day of coaster rides and hotdogs. Frank and Melinda Barton simply resolved to not let her out of their site - not for a minute.

So when Stacey disappeared to indulge in the sweet cottony stuff, the Bartons panicked.

“Frank, Dear God… you have to find her. What if… what if that woman…?”

“Honey, Melinda… Relax.” Frank grabbed his wife by the arms and held her in place. “She only wandered off a few minutes ago, she couldn’t have gone far. There’s nothing to worry about.” He looked around in all directions, and took his own deep breaths. “The chances of that woman being here in Jacksonville are close to nothing, we know that. Now… you check the rides over there, and I’ll head to the petting zoo.”

Melinda nodded OK, and tried to find comfort in her husband’s eyes. But she dug into her purse for a blue pill anyway. She was not about to lose the little girl she’d adopted six years ago.

* * * * *

When Frank and Malinda had discovered Stacey, they were convinced she was undernourished and unloved by the carnival people. They couldn’t fathom a child traveling around with gypsies - it was ludicrous. Stacey’s real mother had allegedly died, and she was living with an aunt who was the freak show with the carnival. She was a 56 year-old circus lady, the woman who wore the thickest makeup and the most hideous jewelry, while attempting the feeblest acts of magic. The Bartons found Stacy while on vacation in Texas, and reported the situation to the police. All the legal work to free her took about eight months, and apparently Stacey had put up a fight. During that time Frank and Melinda started adoption proceedings. Childless and empty, Melinda was thrilled at the thought of raising this bubbly, brown-haired carnival girl: of giving her a real home.

* * * * *

Stacy was licking off every sweet crystal of the candy, and feeling it dissolve in her mouth. It was wonderful, magical. And like the cotton candy, everything here seemed happy and familiar. The roar of the coasters comforted her, and the sights of the painted clowns and ponies were not strange. She thought she might have dreamt about a carnival or maybe read about one in a book. Lost in these thoughts, she didn’t notice how far she’d wandered off, or how the thunderstorm above was about to let loose on the carnival below.

The first raindrops fell on her arm. Stacey looked up and saw the thick black clouds moving quickly overhead. She started to run, and merged with the group of people in front of her as they clamored to find shelter. They piled into a red-and-white striped tent, and within seconds the rain was coming down in torrents. She started to worry, but the carnival colors and sounds soothed her nerves.

Through the tent flap and drenching rain she looked for her parents. She noticed the children around her were attached to Moms and Dads, and she starting chewing her nails. That’s when the large woman appeared in front of her.

The woman grabbed Stacey’s hands. Stacey jumped, and her heart raced as she looked into the face of the prettiest and ugliest woman she had ever seen. The woman had fiery orange hair, and wore gold bangle hoops that hung down to her shoulders. The cherry red shawl that covered her massive breasts met with a skirt full of a hundred colors and designs. Stacey struggled to pull her hands loose, but failed.

“It’s you!”, the woman shrieked. “Angel of God, you’ve come back. Say it my love, that you remember me!” The woman moved in so close Stacey could feel her breath. Stacey stared into a face caked with makeup, and somehow this crazy woman matched an image in her mind. The woman led Stacey to the back of the tent.

“I prayed this day would come. Sweet Jesus! Now sit, there’s so much for you to catch up on. Let me tell you…”

* * * * *

Melinda tried to start each day with new energy, and the hope that her daughter would return faded with the same force. She’d gotten two dogs since that day five years ago, that stormy, tortuous August day. As she walked her dogs, she’d remember holding little Stacey, whispering soft things in her ear. Stacey would be fourteen now, and Melinda would not allow herself to imagine her life.

On one cool morning walk Melinda started to cry, and fell down to the street. She sobbed for twenty minutes on that cool October day. Her dogs wagged their tails and licked her face. She patted their heads.

“You’re good dogs and you love Mommy, right?” Then she tightened their collars, and the dogs gasped for air. “You’ll never leave Mommy, right? This is your home.” After which she gave each one a swift hit on the nose. She got up and dragged the two dogs with tails between their legs to the park, where she could chain them to a tree and read her book in silence.


Carol Clark
July 19, 2009

[Ang Monsoon]

In 24 hours?! I enjoyed that and I thought the ending was brilliant, I didn't expect that at all, those poor dogs!

[Carol Clark]

Wow, that was a fast answer too! Thank you so much for reading, Angie. I did push myself to the max with this. I had sudden energy on Sat, and when it waned, I just kept going.

They said they wanted a "different" ending, not flat.

THANKS for reading!
Carol

P.S. I've been feeling much stronger the last few days. Yeah!

[Lin Neiswender]

Carol, this is great! You ought to be hunting for a market for this, you know? Can't believe you got it all written in a day! Way to go! Love how you contrasted the two mothers.

[Carol Clark]

Thanks so much, Lin! I made sure I slept Sat night, then got up and started again 6:30 Sun morning.

As I said, I'm going to post the Contest Info from WritersWeekly.com (it's one of the newsletters we pass around). They offer cash prizes, and also offer 20 Honorable Mentions.

Thanks so much for reading, Lin.
Love,
Carol

[Maureen]

Carol! My heart is racing. My stomach is flip-flopping. I have a lump in my throat. WOW. This story is amazing. How you managed to tell this story with so few words, but so full of details, amazes me. I immediately fell into this story's spell, and never lost my attention the whole way through (which says a lot for me! I can't focus for long on things :-)).

The ending -- OH .... MY .... GOSH!!!! I literally feel sickened my Melinda's twisted and sick ways; how sick she became. You are able to evoke such emotion in your reader! Incredible.

Did you ever post the story that won the contest not too long ago? If so, I'd love to read it ... just show me where!

[Carol Clark]

Wow, thanks Maureen. :-) You've made my day, by telling me how much you enjoyed this. I'm so glad I could take you on "the ride" with me.

Oh and BTW, don't ask me how I know those little pills are blue... ;-)

Love ya,
Carol

P.S. It never did rain here today -- I think it's in the forecast for tomorrow...

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Oh wow! That ending really caught me off guard! I love it :)
Great story, Carol!

(one little bitty editors note, in the second part Melinda changes to Malinda :)

Many kudos on this one!

[Carol Clark]

Thanks Barb. I also think "Stacey" became "Stacy" at one point. :-)

The contest judges said they weren't as concerned with punctuation and spelling, seeing as it was a 24-hr deal.

Thanks for reading!
Carol

[Anne Westlund]

Great story, Carol. I love how you flip the reader with the end. Not sure about this one line, "and apparently Stacy had put up a fight". Did Stacy put up a fight or the woman?

I'm watching this space! Eager for more!

LOVE

Anne

[Carol Clark]

Thanks, Anne. I put that line in on purpose, although it may not have achieved what I wanted it to. I wanted the reader to think maybe Stacy was not so unhappy living with the carnival. After all, that's all she knew.

Anyway, I plan on working on the story more, maybe try to send it somewhere.

Thanks for reading!
Carol

[Carol Clark]

This piece is based on a true story. Something, sadly, that just happened here in Phila. For a class I'm in, we were supposed to pick a news article, then write a 3-paragraph piece all in one-syllable words (except for proper names). The point of the exercise was to bring us back to a simpler, more "real", voice.

Hopefully nothing like this will happen again -- right outside the Phillies Stadium.


Deadly Brew
401 WC

Why the hell I went out with those guys last night, I can’t tell you. But it was a thing I won’t put out my mind. I don’t think that I could.

This is what went down. Jamie and Rick picked me up to go hang out at that sports bar by the stands - I don’t like sports, but there’s beer and girls there, so that’s what counts. The three of us just stand at the bar like we do all the time: we watch, we wait, then we move in for the kill. Girls say they hate it, but we know they don’t. So things are OK, then this young kid walks by Rick real fast, and knocks his beer on the floor. Shit, I see it all the time at this place, but Rick has to act. I try to hold his arm. “Look bud, let it go. We’re just here to have fun.” But Rick is no good at peace, so he goes for the guy. I try to catch him, but he’s gone. He hits the kid hard in the gut, ‘til some guys in charge come by and throw us all out. So the three of us stand there on the curb, with the noise still in our ears from the club.

I say, “Well, that’s a night, time to get home.” That’s when I see the young kid walk out of the bar. Damn it.. “Rick, stop, it’s done.” But Rick needs more. This time he runs to the kid and throws his full weight on him. He hits him, kicks him, so hard there’s blood out of the kid’s mouth. We’re at a new stage now. Four more guys come out of the bar and run to the scene, to join in on the pack. They all kick now, some with boots, and I can’t see the poor kid at all. “Call the cops”, I yell, as I watch stunned. There are eight guys on him, and the cops would not have a chance in hell to get here on time. I sit on the curb and I hold my head and I cry. I heard that night the kid died, with his folks by his side. I don’t know what to do now, not this day or the next. I know I won’t see those friends, and I don’t think that I’ll drink.



Carol Clark
July 29, 2009