VOG ~ The Kingdom of Relationship ~ Week TWO

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

This discussion is for the last part of The Kingdom of Relationship:

Batteries
Obsession
Breaking Camp


Next week, we will enter The Kingdom of Spirituality.

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

I read these sections this morning, and was really shocked to realize what a battery I am and how obsession has often led me to being a rat looking to see if there might possibly be a tidbit of cheese to be had, in so many of my close relationships. I did the task "Assault On Being a Battery" - and then found resistance to going into my narrative time line, to add accomplishments. So I haven't done it yet. Although there are very few pages left in this part of the book, it has opened up a real can of worms for me and I can tell it's going to be rough going for me this week.

[Jules]

You can do it Barb. Remeber that admission is free...and you do not have to join the runners- you can join the beaders instead :-) (I do hope you know what I am talking about here)

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

The Rat Race?

from the Obsession part of VOG ...

"Scientists have long known that sporadic reinforcement will habituate a rat to a desired behavior far more effectively than steady reinforcement will. Ambiguity is always addictive. Put cheese at the end of a maze every time and the rat loses interest in the cheese. Put it there only so often and the poor rat will race to see what's there.

Ironically, sporadic reinforcement is exactly how the rats we love condition us. We make them the focus of all of our love. They pay us back for all this attention every so often and ... Oh, rats! We get hooked.

We get hooked by the stop/go. By the off again/on again. By the chimera, the shadow dance of a now-you-see-it/now-you-don't affair. This business of red light/green light love is a very distracting addiction. Many of us use it to avoid our own creative lives ..."

[Jules]

No- I was refering to a dream that was dreamt...

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Ahh ... I'd forgotten already! Yep!

[Susan Hosken]

Did the reading last week but none of the tasks. Not as into VOG as I was with TAW when I did it twice. With TAW the first time I did every task. it was very rewarding. i don't know why I am resistant to doing tasks with VOG.
lots of love from susan in australia

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Hi Susan - I feel resistance to some of the tasks, too, and have not been back to complete my Narrative Time Line yet. I knew before I started, from what others said about this book, that NTL is a difficult task, so I'm not beating myself up about it. It will happen in its own time. I don't complete all the tasks during the week, and this is a book I can come back to over and over if I want to do them at some other time. You have been doing a lot of other things lately, and so have we all ... we are all adults and can choose the things that call to us to do, and leave the rest for some other time :)

I do ponder the meanings each part of the book has for me in my experience, and journal about my feelings in the Morning Pages.

[Susan Hosken]

Barb, I have been writing comments in the margins of VOG book for future reference.
lots of love from susan in australia

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

April 28, 2009
A Question Of Balance
One-Sided Relationships
One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when we give more.

However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their life.

A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big picture of your life.

[Carol@Swallowcliffs]

Could there be a fourth? Like when one person has been on the giving side for many years and for some reason, the truth hits them and they realize that the relationship only worked because they acted with blinders on for so long?