Comparing

[Susan Hosken]

I have a dreadful habit of comparing myself to other people. It doesn't bring me anything other than grief in most situations. Do any of you compare yourself to others? How do you get over it?
Lots of love from susan in australia

[Jules]

Boundries are important. It took me years to recognize mine, then to defend them against envaders
I can forgive the boundry errors also- I once heard 'never mistake malice for ignorance' Some people just don't know. But once they are told a second infraction is not tolerated.
The thing that helped me most in establishing my boundries was learinig that "NO." Can be a complete sentence :-)

[Valerie]

Mary,
I'm totally impressed with your tenacity in ignoring your inner and outer critics. To me this is a very healthy attitude. I particularyl like this line "I'm just DONE totally completely absolutely DONE with nay-sayers and people who can't handle my art because of THEIR issues." Exactly. It is their issues. When people criticize my work, or say something equally dumb, I know they just don't understand and have not tapped into their own creativity. And to me, that is very sad.

You probably don't know who the heck I am as I have not been posting much in the past couple of weeks, but I have been following along where I could and just want to say, kudos to you Mary, we like you.
Valerie

[MARY]

Valerie:
AFter that long term relationship that was so savagely detrimental to my creativity and well-being and after I crawled out from under by blankets which I tend to hide under when the world gets rough (literally), I rung the tears out of my sheets washed them, rejuvinated them with bounce, and then made my way directly to Co-Dependents anonymous where I learned about boundaries. Yes, it was inhumane of those asses to undermine me, but it was also inhumane to allow it to be done to me. I learned when I was an asst. to a very high-budget buyer that you can state fact without emotion. I watched him and I learned. After working with him, I would say things like, "What was the intent behind that sentence?" "That is totally unacceptable and in the future I need for you to....." Actually in my last creativity class I was cut off in mid-sentence and I said, "this is what you did, I don't like it, don't do it again." and each and every time I say it after my stomach goes into knots and my knees quiver and shake. I spent decades NOT standing up adequately for myself. It's still not a totally comfortable experience but it is something I WILL DO.. I don't like plucking my eyebrows either..but I do that.

[Barbara Ann Storrier]

Good for you to face the fear and do it anyway, Mary. Doing it kindly and with love is what I am striving for.

[Jules]

Mary- I know exactly how you feel when you said "and each and every time I say it after my stomach goes into knots and my knees quiver and shake. " Been there myself. It does get more comfortable after a bit of time...now my stomache does not knot so often, but the knees still quiver :-)
I don't pluck

[Alfredo]

You know, Valerie, I was in the car the other day really tired. After the release of my last album, a lot has happened with it. I have had dozens of reviews, dealt with radio broadcasters, had interviews, etc. First dealing with 'how will this album be accepted?' Then dealing with award nominations (was I actually getting any?) and then winning an award (really? ME?). I was also eventually nominated alongside big names in the New Age industry such as Will Ackerman and Loreena McKennitt. I was tired. I was tired of my work being reviewed, looked over, dissected, scrutinized, measured by a certain number of stars, check marks, nods of approval. It can be excruciating and wearing. And I am lucky, 99.9% of reviewers have truly loved my work. It could have been really bad!

But there are a lot of 'nay-sayers' out there and I was preparing myself for them. Luckily, they missed me. And when my album hit number one in the charts for the third consecutive month, I actually wanted to run and hide thinking the other 99 artists (it was a Top 100 chart) whose albums were below me were hating my guts.

Ultimately, the more you are out there with your work, the worse it can get. People, especially other artists, have their issues. And sometimes we get hit over the head by those issues. When the awards came in, some of the other New Age artists were very graceful in their congratulations, others began to sound like sour grapes. It's a tough business, almost as tough as the acting business I was in for a big part of my life. And the ones of us who won were huddled together like we just stole the last raft out of the Titanic!

Connecting back and forth with the Album of the Year winner, he said something very true: "there are reviewers and critics and then there are reviewers and critics. You just have to see where they come from and take their words or dismiss them based on that." So, if someone tells me they think I look like an ugly Giraffe (I think they are cute, personally), then they are not coming from the right place. If someone tells me the instruments I chose are not good, they are not coming from an objective place. I can dismiss that. Who is to say a violin sounds great here instead of, say, a guitar. It's all relative.

[Valerie]

Hi Alfredo, good to see you. And congratulations all all your successes.

"there are reviewers and critics and then there are reviewers and critics. You just have to see where they come from and take their words or dismiss them based on that."
This is so true. We must consider the source. As you say, it's all relative.

[Alfredo]

Hi Susan,

All the time... Yanni, Enya, Loreena McKennitt, and the list goes on. I cannot say really how I get over it except that I recently found myself nominated for and won awards against albums by some of these same people. It has taught me something, however. Comparing oneself to others may boost your fire to create more, better your craft and get artistically moving. Still, comparing our work to others may also sabotage our own individual style. So, I think that it is great to look at what other artists are doing (believe me, we all do it...and the more I converse with New Age/World great artists the more I realize...they do it too!), what techniques they use, how do we measure up...but only if it helps us grow more into who we are as artists and it does not dominate out work and prevent us from creating beautiful, individual work.

In history of art we see that artists always studied other artists. Even Mozart carefully studied what every other composer did or was doing. Famous painters studied what their predecessors had done. So we have to also look into what we consider 'comparing ourselves to others' or 'checking out what others are doing an dhow they are doing it.' Also what Fiona says also helps, which is a way of putting things into perspective.

[Jules]

Hi Alfredo- nice to see you.
For me, when I look at other artists work, it is never in the spirit of compitition or wanting to do what they do. It is more a strong curiosity about what they have done and how they have done it.

[Susan Hosken]

Alfredo, Thanks for your response to comparing. I have learnt a lot from this discussion. I realise now I do a lot of healthy comparing which is helpful to my creating and my life.
Lots of love from Susan in Australia